Janice Boekhoff

Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:4-5

Last night, my son launched another battle in his year-long war to watch PG-13 movies at the age of ten. Apparently, he thought when he reached double digits that had to be close enough.

He has tried every argument he can think of. First, he appealed to my compassion for him by saying everyone at school was watching those movies. When I said I didn’t care, he took on an indignant tone and said I must be calling everyone else’s parents ‘bad parents.’ To which I replied that I can disagree with another parent’s decision without calling them bad.

When the emotional arguments failed, he tried logic, asking me why I agreed with the ratings people. After all, I don’t know any of them personally. Maybe they’re rating the movies incorrectly? Problem for him is that I’ve seen most of the movies he wants to see and I agree with the ratings.

Finally, in one last, desperate plea, he said, “I can handle it. I know I can.”

I laughed (he didn’t really appreciate that) and said, “Who are you to claim you can handle something you know nothing about?”

Later, the conversation hit me in a different way and I knew it was God.

Who am I? This phrase stuck in my head. Who am I to think I can handle the future that I know nothing about? Who am I to get frustrated when I pray and don’t see answers? Who am I to get impatient with my writing journey?

I don’t have any idea what’s coming next in life. I can’t claim to be ready for what I might have to handle tomorrow. And yet, I think I have the right to sit back and judge where God is taking me and how fast.

Who am I? A flawed sinner saved by Your astounding mercy. Good thing that mercy is new every day.

Oh magnificent Lord, who am I to understand Your ways? Give me only what You see fit to give. Filter my life through Your loving hands. In Jesus’s name, amen.

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